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I need to write this but it hurts still

I know that thinking and typing this out will help, but it’s difficult. I was laid off again. This is the 2nd time in 2 years and the 3rd time I’ve left a job in 3 years. My switch to GOOD was voluntary, but I understand had I not left I would have been laid off as over half my team was let go about 30 days after my leaving.

I am not a person who thrives on change. I would be delighted to find a place I like and stay until I retire. Sad that doesn’t seem to compute any longer. I am fortunate that there are jobs in my field to be had, but I really want something stable. Oh and enjoyable. I guess that one positive aspect to these changes, or lurches is more what they feel like, is that I am learning something new and useful at each stop.

This time it was more painful than it has been in the past. Partly because it was so unexpected and partially because I really liked the job. I finally was happy. Oh don’t get me wrong, it was a job and no job is perfect, but I have learned what I can handle in that regard and this was way past acceptable. The vibe in the office was positive and I liked the mission. The work was fun and co-workers awesome. I was working with a designer that I clicked with. Anyone that does the kind of work will know how rare this is. She had, for me, the rare way about her that had me wanting to find ways to pull off the crazy shit she thought up.

I also really dislike the hiring process. You always feel inadequate. And in the case of not having a job and looking, it’s mine inclination to take the first thing offered instead of finding the best fit of place, location and position.

I am writing this on Saturday after learning of it on Thursday afternoon and I still have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The odd feeling of losing the foundation of what is your . . . It’s not my life, that is bigger, but that foundation that comes from knowing where the next paycheck is coming from, the sense of security of knowing you can pay your bills and take care of yourself medically.

I have abused my financial standing and have too much outstanding credit. Not in the sense that I am broke or overextended at least with a job, but that I can’t really go more than a month or two without getting worried. I am making myself a promise to fix this soonest. No more living at my means. Time will tell if I can keep my promise, but I’d be happier all around if I did.

Well, it did help and only time will tell, but wish me luck in the next round of employment.


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